I Got a LIEBSTER Baby, and I Didn’t Even Know What One Was Till Today!

That's right! It's mine...all miiiiine!!!

That’s right! It’s mine…all miiiiine!!!

You know, I have a HUGE confession to make.

When Shreya of http://shreyapunj14.wordpress.com posted a lovely little comment on my blog this afternoon saying she had a surprise for me, I simply had no idea what she could possibly mean. So I hopped on over to her blog, read the post she’d directed me to with her ping back and guess what, she’d won a Liebster Award!! Congratulations Shreya!

But, what the hell was one of those? I had no clue. Furthermore, as I continued to read gorgeous Shreya’s post (take a look at her profile picture – there has to be something wrong with her somewhere just to get the balance right…I mean, she writes beautifully, she doesn’t wear make-up…she is beautiful! She has to have knobbly knees or something, or have a wonky toe at least, just to make it even Stevens. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not wishing knobblyness on her, I never would, but some people just look so perfect!) I realised that she had nominated me, ME! as her number 9 for a Liebster Award!

As over the moon as I was to get an award, I still had no bloody idea what it was. Research commenced with fervour. It was then I found out the following:

I seems I have been nominated to receive the prestigious Liebster Award, an award given to a blogger with less than 200 followers. The nominator composes a list of 10 questions (though the amount of questions seems up for debate, I’ll stick with 10 as it is what I was given!) for a group of their favourite bloggers to answer, and the nominees then answer the questions in a new blog post. The idea being that it spreads the word about new blogs to enjoy I guess!

The rules are as follows:

1. Link back and recognize the blogger who nominated you.

2. Answer the ten questions given to you by your nominator (for me it was shreyapunj)

3. Nominate ten other bloggers for the award

4. Create ten questions for your nominees to answer

5. Notify your nominees

You may copy and paste the award on your blog!

So, here’s the questions shreyapunj gave me to answer:

1. Why did you start blogging and did you change tracks?

I started blogging because my head is full of shit that I don’t talk to people about. I needed an outlet, I’ve often been told I’m good at writing and after having some really down days and thinking ‘I wish. I’d started a diary when I was younger but I’m glad I didn’t because some arsehole would have read it by now’, I started Mrs All Screwed up!

2. Who is your favorite superhero?

She-ra The Princess of Power. Does she count? She’s wicked. I love her unicorn, Swift Wind.

3. What’s your favorite book?

Far too many books to even choose a favourite, but my favourite childhood book was The Magic Faraway Tree by Enid Blyton and when I was really, really young, Miffy books. Damn, that rabbit was cool.

4. What’s your favorite dessert?

Creme brûlée. Rice pudding.
Christmas pudding with brandy butter. Cheesecake with no topping. I have too many favourites.

5. If you could visit any place in the world, where would it be?

Somewhere visually stunning and inwardly peaceful and calm and cleansing, like a Balinese retreat. Without the colonoscopy. Or I’d like to go to New York at Christmastime.

6. Who’s your celebrity crush?

My little bit of phwoar is…Idris Elba. Just look him up. Cream the knickers!

7. What’s your biggest phobia?

Now, I can’t write the word my phobia is that bad so it’ll have to be an anagram ok? Anseks. Can’t/won’t ever get over it.

8. If you could have any super power, what would it be?

The ability to control someone’s mind.

9. What’s one gadget you wished you owned?

A diamond maker

10. Your favorite day-dream?

I’m yet to have it…

Hooooookay! So, now I’ve answered the lovely questions above, it’s my turn to make some nominations of the brilliant bloggios I’ve been reading of late. Well, there aren’t any – you’re all CRAP! That is just SO not true! I’m assuming I can’t nominate my nominee, else I would so Shreya, consider yourself an honary nominataryarythingy.

First up for the Liebster Award is:

WAAAAAAAIIIIITTTTT!

STOP RIGHT RIGHT THERE!

Something amazing has just happened and it has sent me into a bit of a tailspin.

I’ve been awarded a SECOND Liebster whilst in the middle of writing this post about my first Liebster! I’m so pleased!

But, now I’m in a quandary…what to do?

Do I write two separate posts meaning two separate sets of questions?

Does that mean I can nominate my nominees and therefore mean they will end up having to re-post another 10 questions each?

Where does this stop?! It’s like chain mail for bloggers! I must also be honest, I’m struggling to find bloggers I follow with under 200 followers, I’m that new to blogging myself…I’m on the cusp of cheating here and adding bloggers with over 200! *gasps of shock*

So, here’s my plan – I’m going to merge the two, and just hope I’ve got it right…actually, I don’t care if I haven’t, it’s my blog!

So, STEVE!!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you for nominating me for the non-diseased Liebster Award! I am very honoured that you like my blog enough to pin one of these about my person. You were on my list to nominate you the hell right back, but I can’t do that now can I, so I’ll just write what I had planned to write so you can see what I was going to, errrr, write?

Says Steve – http://stevemcp2002.wordpress.com/about/blog/ – makes me laugh, regularly, and he has this fascination with a mannequin that is quite amazing. Must read! Congratulations on winning your own disease Liebster!

Without further ado, here are my answer to Steve’s questions:

1. What were you doing 5 minutes ago?

Flicking my bean. Only kidding but it sounded funnier than changing the smelliest, shittiest 2 year old’s bum.

2. What will you be doing in 5 minutes time?

Flicking my bean.

3. What’s your favourite time of the year?

Christmas – though it would be even better without wind and rain.

4. What time is your alarm clock set for?

5.30am FFS.

5. Does your watch have hands or digital display?

Hands.

6. What is your favourite past time?

It’s sad to say, but I’m so out of touch with ‘Me’ right now that I’ve forgotten the answer to that question.

7. What time were you born?

3:25am or something like that.

8. Are you a morning or evening person?

Evening without a doubt.

9. When was the last time you cried?

Last week.

10. If you had a time machine where would your first travel be?

Gosh, what a question! Would I travel back to warn myself of future mistakes, or would I go further back to simpler times…I love the 1940s, 1950s…I’d love a time machine that could read my heart. There, that’ll do!

So, here I am again!

First up for the Liebster Award is:

1) 49 Hues of Crushed Raspberry – http://crushedraspberry.wordpress.com – doesn’t write often, but when this blogger does they makes me laugh many much!

2) My Doha Diary – http://mydohadiary.wordpress.com – another Middle Eastern expat, except this one doesn’t live in the shadows like I do. She has kids, she has a husband who is a pilot (like a lot of us wives do in this country) so, we’re pretty much in the same boat – we could actually be friends! Maybe I should stalk her…

3) A Little Typical – http://alittletypical.wordpress.com – has lots of lovely design ideas! Enjoy reading this blog!

4) Struggling With BPD – http://strugglingwithbpd.wordpress.com – I quite literally stumbled across this blog when I was feeling down and just starting out writing this blog. Don’t dismiss this blog just because it might not be something you are interested in – it really opens your eyes to how someone else feels sometimes, it’s straight from the heart. I like that and whilst I don’t have BPD, I can certainly identify with how this young girl feels somedays. This is why she gets a Liebster (and yes, I know she has over 200 follows…this is HARD dammit!)

That’s it. I actually follow no more people with less than, or close to 200 followers. They all have more the greedy, hard working beggars. So, I will update this post as time goes on. I won’t, but I will say I will now to get you lot off my back.

Here are my questions that you now need to answer oh four nominees! (How lacking was that?)

As a twist to this, and because I don’t have many nominees, I reckon Shreya and Steve should answer these questions too and either post the answers in a comment or re-post on their blogs!

1) What’s your favourite alcoholic/non-alcoholic/cocktail/mock tail beverage?

2) Can you play pub games and if so which ones?

3) Do you have a poisonous wart on the end of your nose? (You’ve not read The Gruffalo have you?)

4) Do you have a party trick and if so, what is it?

5) what is your favourite song?

6) Do you have a nickname?

7) What is your pet hate?

8) What is your favourite film?

9) Planes, trains or automobiles?

10) Do you know the phonetic alphabet?

Tadaaaa!! Finally finished!!

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Exhale – Daily Prompt

*sigh* It’s a bit embarrassing really, the way I have to start out with this Daily Prompt. It’s a bit graphic too, so if you’re a bit squeamish, I’d look away now.

I don’t know if I’m the only person in the world who has this problem, but it’s hardly likely there is any kind of club I can join to find others like me. It’s not a subject I openly discuss at dinner parties and it’s definitely not open for debate in the office either. Close family members know the issue exists but even we don’t talk about it when we’re having a cup of tea and a biscuit. So, here it is:

I can’t poo in public.

Ok, let’s rephrase that as I doubt many people could poo in public, indeed they’d get arrested for dropping their drawers and pinching a loaf in the middle of the high street. What I mean to say is:

I can only plop in my own toilet.

Let me clarify this further for you.

To do one’s pieces, I need to be in either:

a) my own bathroom, in my en-suite, in my own home
b) my own bathroom, in my en-suite, in my hotel room
c) my own bathroom, in my en-suite, at my mum’s house
d) the bathroom at my dad’s house when everyone is out

All other options, the bets are off and the rusty ring stays clamped shut. I simply do not have control over when it opens. So, needless to say that I have to be in the right place to ‘go’, yeah? Generally, I have to be at home? No curling one out when I’m at work for me! No dropping a bomb on a plane (a poo bomb…not an actual bomb, though I think both are wrong, no one should crap on a flight regardless of how long it is – it’s like dropping litter, it’s not big and it’s not clever…take it home with you!!). Nope, if I’m not in the right place, I don’t even get the signals to go. Sometimes I do get the signals to go, but my ring piece still stays shut! I know, crazy huh! Bound to be a psychological thing, I know, but there we are. However, my body does seem to have a mind all of it’s own and likes to play nasty, wicked jokes on me.

Let’s rewind to a few weeks ago.

One sunny (funny that, in the Middle East) morning, my husband and I wake up, as usual, at the crack of a sparrows fart. 5.30am has arrived all to quickly and it’s time to get the children up and dressed for school again, just like we did the day before. OH NO! Scratch that! I did it the day before, of course I did, silly me. Anyway, we both got up, thoroughly annoyed from the argument we’d had the night before.

I’m not a believer in having to kiss and make up every time before you roll over and go to sleep. I am a believer that sleeping on it can help you to calm down and help you wake up with a fresh mind. I am also a believer in making my husband sweat it the hell out when he has done something wrong and boy, had he made me angry the night before. So angry in fact that I wasn’t ready to speak to him when we woke up.

We didn’t speak on the way to drop the kids to school, we didn’t speak on the way back from dropping the kids to school. We didn’t speak at home, we didn’t speak as I got ready for work. It was his day off. We didn’t speak as I made my measly lettuce wrap for lunch (I can’t eat when I’m stressed…I lose weight quickly and look like a haggard old witch) and I slammed my work things into my bag, picked up the car keys and without saying a word to each other, I left for work, shutting my fingers in the door on the way out. Shit. Bet he bloody laughed at that – didn’t hang around to find out.

So, I drove to work in the crappy traffic, bumper to bumper, horns blaring, sitting at traffic lights for 5 minutes at a time, waiting of the toots of impatient drivers as soon as the lights turned green. When I arrived at work I then had the mission of trying to find a parking space which is almost impossible – 30 minutes later, I found one, which meant I was actually on time for work. With a stressful start, I spent a wonderful rest of the day in the office, trying to come up with lots of lovely, creative things to write. We all know what happens to creativity when we are stressed now, don’t we?! We either spew ten tonne of relevant material out of our brains, onto paper (or PCs/laptops, whichever medium is being used) and everything flows beautifully, or, OR, sod all happens and we get Writer’s Block. Guess what happened to me. Guess who had a bloody deadline and a blank sheet of paper in front of her. That’s right, ME! I don’t know how many words there are in the English language, but I couldn’t come up with a single one. Eventually I downed tools and got up to make myself a coffee. Decaf…caffeinated makes me bounce off the walls.

We share our office kitchen with a whole group of other office users in the building we are in, which means there are some dirty sods around. Cups are left laying around, teaspoons go missing etc, so we tend to take our own tea and coffee to work and keep it in a cupboard in our office. I’m relatively new to the team and whilst I’ve bought in my own coffee, I keep forgetting to bring in a mug, so have to use one from the kitchen. Well, on this day, all the mugs were…gone. So began the mug hunt. I searched everywhere for a mug; cupboards;our office; meeting rooms; other people’s offices; in the end I had to ask the tea boys where they’d put the mugs…turns out they’d taken them to give them a good clean and hadn’t told anyone. ‘Nice!’ I thought, at least the mugs will be clean. Wrong! They were just as bad as they were when they left. Still, I didn’t care – I had a mug! I made my coffee and went back to the office.

Now, have you ever sat down to have a warm drink and started to feel, hmmmm, what shall we call it? Rumblings! That’s it! Have you ever sat down to have a warm drink and started to feel rumblings in your tummy that signal to you that at some point in the very, very near future you might need to have a poo? Yes? Well, at about 11.30am on that very day, that. was. me.

Oh.

Shit.

Literally.

I have already explained that I can’t do do-dos in any loos aside from the ones listed above. There was no point in me even trying, but I knew that the warmth of the coffee had unleashed a potential movement and now alongside trying to dislodge the Writer’s Block I was experiencing, I was having to concentrate on not letting even the smallest of farts escape into the sponge of my chair. I had 5 hours before I could leave work, plus at least an hours drive home before I could get to a toilet and it was going to be pure agony!

Time passed soooooo slooowly. Every time I moved in my chair I was reminded of how dire my situations was getting, so I tried to sit as still as I possibly could. I’m sure people started to notice. Being a creative writer at work means I can write what I like about the given subject at hand, but found my mind kept wandering – it was great that the Writer’s Block had lifted but now all I wanted to write about was shit, farts and toilets. Finally, 5pm arrived, which was a good job really because I really was about to shit myself. You know it’s getting bad when your tummy really starts to hurt and you have to dig your toes into the floor!

But then I got to my car.

We have a huge 4.6litre V8 4×4 car that weighs approx. 2 tonnes and as I walked up to it, on tiptoes (I’d reached situation critical at this point) I noticed I’d got a flat tyre.

Have you ever seen someone do that kinda weird looking around ‘whaddo I do now? I’m going to raise my hands in the air at people because I don’t know what else to do’ turning round in circles and drop their hands to their sides slump their shoulders then just get on with it, thing? Yeah, that was me.

I changed that damn tyre, on that damn heavy car while desperate for a damn shit. But I did it and finally got on the road. The only saving grace was the traffic was a little clearer by the time I’d finished…an hour later.

I raced home eager to make it back to the bathroom in time. All I could think about was my bathroom, my lovely bathroom! I put the music on in the car, loud, to try and distract myself from the gurgles in my tummy and the lyrics of the song playing turned my thoughts back to the argument from the night before and began to turn my mood sour again. Eventually, I made it home, haphazardly parked the car outside the villa, burst through the door and threw my bag down on the floor. My husband, seeing this, clearly thought I was still in a very bad mood with him and just scowled at me, which wound me up even more. I ran upstairs to the bathroom, just in the nick of time.

Oh, the relief!

ALLELUIA ALLELUIA!!

I sang to the heavens I was so pleased to be sat on the porcelain bowl, my porcelain bowl…and then I realised there was no toilet roll. I could have cried.

I looked around the bathroom to see if there were any random rolls laying around, but nothing. None. None to be seen. Then I spotted something laying in the corner of the bathroom…my husband’s work shirt.

I knew then I was going to be ok.

Exhale.

*smile*

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/10/07/daily-prompt-safety/

Quick Music Quizio

image

Pinched this off a fellow blogger.

His name is Steve and you can find his brilliant blog right here…

http://stevemcp2002.wordpress.com/2013/10/05/random-music-test/

It’s a music quiz thing. Steve put the answers to his quiz on his blog, so you can check his answers out if you like. The instructions on how to play are below.

(1) Go to the music player of your choice and put it on shuffle
(2) Say the following questions aloud and press play
(3) Use the song title as your answers
(4) NO CHEATING

Try it and share your answers too!

How does the world see me?

Crazy Little Thing Called Love – Maroon 5

Comments: Hmmmm, yeah, I am crazy, but my name is not Love. The World does not have eyes and therefore cannot ‘see’ me.

Will I have a happy life?

The Freedom Song – Jason Mraz

Comments: Now this one rings true. I’m ‘free’ to do what I want, when I want aside from the simple fact I live in a Muslim country and that stops me from doing things like wearing certain clothes (to remain respectful to the religion), not drink alcohol or eat pork (I miss bacon sandwiches and pork roast dinners *sob*), and there are other aspects of my daily life I need to be mindful of, but I am happy. Most days. Some days. I made the decision to live here and I live and abide by the rules of this country. I don’t moan about these rules, I am respectful. However, I don’t like being spat at by Muslim women for being a blonde Westerner, and being told to ‘go home to your own country’ for the same reason, which of course, one day I will…once I’ve licked vodka of a dirty sow’s back.

What do my friends really think of me?

I’ve Got You Under My Skin – Michael Buble

Comments: If I got under my friends’ skin, I’d be a bit worried! Hopefully, this just means they like me muchly lots…hopefully.

Do people secretly lust after me?

Well, Yes Of Course They Do – Mrs ASU (*snarf!*)

Play It Loud – Black Eyed Peas

Comments: Clearly, obviously, absolutely this means that it’s no secret. People don’t secretly lust after me at all. Actually, the Indian/Sri Lankan and other male expats in this country pretty much lust after any female without an abaya on – there’s definitely no secret made about that! In fact, I’d call it leering…ick.

How can I make myself happy?

Flick The Bean – Mrs ASU (*makes oneself laugh again*)

She Moves In Her Own Way – The Kooks

Comments: HAHAHAHAHAHALMAOHAHAHAHAHAHAROFLHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Oh, a little bit of wee just came out!!! I promise that song title came out after I wrote my own song title!! Haha!!

What should I do with my life?

She’s Like The Wind – Patrick Swayze

Comments: Ok, mixed messages or what?! Here’s what I’m getting:

1) I become a pilot – I’m no good with maths and learning about clouds is boring
2) Learn to fly a kite – got smacked on the nose by one a few years back so, no thanks
3) Learn to play a wind instrument – already can…it’s called ‘My Arse’ and I play it excellently
4) Have my clitoris pierced so I can whistle down the wind as I walk – erm…nope.

How can I maximize my pleasure during sex?

Have Some – Mrs ASU

Flick My Bean – Mrs ASU

Wake My Husband Up – Mrs ASU

All of Me – Michael Buble

Comments: Hell Yeah! Michael Buble can have all of me! That would definitely maximise my pleasure during sex..WOOOOOHOOOO!!

Will I ever have children?

Wordplay – Jason Mraz

Comments: Couldn’t wait to see how this one came out considering I already have 3 children, and then I’m given Wordplay! Nuff said.

Will I die happy?

In My Head – Jason Derulo

Comments: “In my head, I see you all over me…in my head, you fulfil my fantasy..” In my head I’ll be happy, so perhaps this means I’ll have Alzheimer’s when I peg it and as Alzheimer’s runs in my family, who knows? I won’t. Who won’t? What will?

What is some good advice for me?

Slut Like You – P!nk

Comments: WOOOHOOOO! Yep, I should take this on board and become a whore in the bedroom. Maybe then I could maximise my sexual pleasure and wake up my husband. Or entice Mr Buble in? Nah.

What is happiness?

Please Don’t Leave Me – P!nk

Comments: Not being on my own, being surrounded by my famfam, my children, being loved. That’s happiness.

What is my favorite fetish?

So What – P!nk

Comments: Ok, ok, I like P!nk! Not quite a fetish and not enough to turn me lesbosbian, but I like her.

How will I be remembered?

Just the Way You Are – Bruno Mars

Comments: *sob*

Why should life be full of so much pain?

One Day Like This – Elbow

Comments: Can’t even begin to answer this question, but the lyrics of this song fit it perfectly. Have a listen and you’ll understand x

Now it’s your turn!