Nah, Me Speeka Da Engrish…

I have this ‘thing’ about English.

It’s English. It’s my belief the Americans borrowed it, therefore there is no such thing as American English. No. It doesn’t sit right with me.

However, I also have a little problem.

See, I can spell well. The words I cannot spell, I look up and then no-one can tell I can’t spell them (clever, huh?!), but I can never, ever claim to be a grammar whizz, yet I write for a living. Oops!

It’s simple stuff see, like the apostrophe that gets me. It apostrophe s – the apostrophe splits the words up into it is…or something. Oh fuck it, I don’t care. Well, I do, but I don’t. Not now anyway, because right now I get to explain why I absolute loathe, abhor, and detest text speak and shortened words of any form at all.

Strangely, and much unlike fellow blogger Shreya (http://shreyapunj14.wordpress.com), I love acronyms. Possibly because I worked for a company where we worked with more acronyms that I’d had hot dinners, but that’s another story entirely. Actually, it’s not a story at all – who’d want a story about company acronyms? Anyway, I digress!

Today’s Daily Prompt was all about writing the language of the future. Now, my creative mind has almost, but not quite, run out of juice. I can’t come up with the language of tomorrow, I’m not even clever enough to come up with new words that don’t sound ridiculous, but what I can say is this:

Despite being a current fan of the use of profanity and a lover of the words fuck, wanker, bitch and oh shit, I am trying my absolute hardest to stop swearing like a fisherman’s wife and wish desperately that the language of the future could revert back to what it used to be like 50, 60, even 70 years ago, more reserved, polite, refined and genteel, without venom, malice and spite.

For the future, let’s tone it down
Unchain our tongues, unfurl our frown
Curse no more, let us be pleasant
Kindness bring into the present
I promise I will try my best
No swearing will leap from my chest
Gone from mind and gone from head
Weary words were put to bed
And in their place a calmer tone
Nicer to say on the phone!
Keep it clean and oh so light
Even if you’ve had a fight!
Remember you can still be happy
Bite your tongue, don’t be snappy!
Idle thoughts will wash away
Take a breath, they will not stay
Careful now not to slip
How hard its been not to trip
Oh, now they’ve really made you mad
How silly! That was very bad
Still you manage not to utter!
Hush! Don’t do it! Don’t you stutter!
It’s too late, you mumble with a start…
Tart…you silly, silly, tart.

See, told you I like my acronyms 😉

Submitted to http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/09/26/daily-prompt-future-2/

EDIT: Those eagle eyed readers will have noticed I forgot to write about why I don’t like shortened words and text speak. It’s very late where I am, I am tired, so I am excusing myself for my shoddy work. So, here it is…here is the reason.

Because I don’t.

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8 thoughts on “Nah, Me Speeka Da Engrish…

  1. Pingback: What if the language of the future is unspoken? | Okay, what if ?

  2. Ahaha!
    Loved this!
    I don’t mind acronyms like ASAP, BRB etc. Mainly because I know what they mean.
    Hindi being my mother tongue, I swear like a truck driver in that language thus saving English for impressing people here.
    And the part about grammar; I hear ya!
    Same story here.

    Shit.
    Cannot. stop. grinning.

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